rainy weather and thunder doesn’t make me gloomy at all it’s more like, fuck yeah this is my kingdom of darkness and i’m the queen
If you think cats can’t love you as much as a dog then you’ve obviously never had one come lay beside you and purr while you’re in the middle of a crying fit
i bet rhinos cant talk because they would make too many jokes about being horny
when someone you don’t like loves the same song as you
are we gonna have sex or are you going to continue to like my posts
I dunno, isn’t your URL going to need to heal first? Maybe it’s not a good idea to ask questions like that right now….
vagina’s are able to stretch wide enough to give birth to a fucking baby and then return to it’s original size but of course being penetrated by that grass blade you call a penis is what’s going to make it “loose”
Let me say that again, but slower… or at least imagine me saying it slower.
We except the love we think we deserve.
Now I know what some of you are thinking, “Wow, she just watched Perks of being a wallflower”, and you wouldn’t be wrong. But those eight words got me thinking while I took a shower. It made me think back threw the last six or seven years of my life. What kinda love did I think I deserved? Why did I let myself go threw all the fucked up shit I’ve gone threw? You’re answer is as good as mine.
Let’s see… Let’s go back to middle school. Yes, middle school. But not the beginning. I mean, why relive that far back.. Not worth it. Anyways. Back in eigth grade I became infatuated with my at the time boyfriend. I thought I was in love. Lust, of course is what it really was. But anyways, he hurt me. Emotionally of course. I mean, I’ve never been physically hurt purposely by anyone… At least that I know of. I do have a tendensy to block things out of my memory. Oh well.
So next is freshman year. I’m pretty sure I did actually fall in love. How could I have been so stupid? Oh yeah, I was fifteen. This one I allowed for some reason to keep hurting me. This, I’m not proud to say kinda fucked with my head. But not right away. He kept creeping back into my life for the next couple years, even though I moved to a different state.Promising me he wouldn’t hurt me again. Yeah, right. I believed him
like the idiot I am.
Finally I got the balls to say ENOUGH. Yeah, I did. But it took scars to do it. Most my senior year I did good with no one there. Then… Then that’s where looking back, i spiraled down hill. Met a guy… decided in my mind somehow that I couldn’t/didn’t deserve better… and convinced my self he was the one I would sleep with. Yeah… I don’t think I could ever be so emotionless…. I would just lay there every time… hoping one day that I would understand what was so great about what everyone wanted to do SO BADLY. Yeah.. That went on for a few months. Yes, I knew that he didn’t give a shit.. He didn’t I don’t care what he says. I knew he was still trying to go back with his ex even though we were “together”.
This is where in my life I won’t be proud of, I wanted to feel numb. Numb of everything. And I didn’t care how… Now, if anyone realized how badly I wanted to be numb, I have NO idea. But I found a way. Not to hard knowing addicts though. Not that I did it often… But when I did, it was go big or go home.Yeah, I’m pretty sure now looking back that it was a bad idea. Such a bad idea. Cocain. After a while, I couldn’t wait until the next time just to feel numb again.
Then, and this is where it gets better I promise, in April of my senior year without me realizing things started to get better. But I didn’t realize it. There was this guy in my Crime and Punishment class that kinda just came in sat down and would pass out every day. And this was shortly after I got my friend to switch into that class second semester. But this guy… He had a crush on her, and I was trying to help. Why? Oh, I don’t know… She’s gay, why in the world did I think that was going to work? Anyways, I didn’t realize it for a while, but I fell for this guy while trying to help him out… And when I did realize it…. I didn’t say anything because why would he care, he was going after her.
I remember back at the night of graduation rehersal. I was fucked up. I hadn’t eaten in a couple days because well… Cocain. I was having a super horrible crash that I almost didn’t make it threw rehersal. Well, he drove me there so he was my ride home. He stopped at Jack In the Box and made me eat. He didn’t know what was wrong with me at the time. But while I was trying to eat, we sat there and we talked about our lives. I’ve not opened up to anyone like that in a long time. Talking with him opened up wounds that I hadn’t thought about in a long time. Wounds that I had try to numb out. When we got to my house, I broke down. What did he do? He held me. He just held me. And remembering back, I’m tearing up now.. From that day, I don’t think I’ve spent a day without him.
I would stay at his house until his parent’s kicked me out each night. He needed someone to talk to, I drove over there even in the middle of the night. His parents went out of town and I didn’t go home except to get clean clothes and shower every couple days. Yes, we started dating.
Since then, he has gotten me clean, yes. No more drugs. We moved in together over a year ago. We have a beautiful two month old baby girl, and he is the love of my life. I would die for him.
The point is we except the love we think we deserve. And yes, I’m happy to say this is where I want to be in life. This is who I want to be. This is who I want to be with.
This is what I think I deserve.